Read Chapter One of You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me… – Ali Parker

Read Chapter One of You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me…



Lucerne was a beautiful city, with the lights reflecting off the lake at night and snow-capped mountains in the distance. However, when my brother and his fiancée decided to get married here, I was skeptical. 

Karson had told me that I’d understand as soon as we got here, and with the wedding in full swing around me and the large windows offering a view of the famed Chapel Bridge, I finally got it. The place was romantic as shit and Karson and Payton deserved to have their fairy tale begin someplace as magical as this. 

I caught glimpses of the view beyond the windows as I strode across the reception hall, but unlike my brother and his wife, I wasn’t after romance or a fairy tale tonight. I was after Allison, Payton’s best friend and maid of honor. 

The two women were dancing in the center of the intimate space, their hands in the air as they laughed and swayed and twirled. Karson had warned me about going for it with Allison tonight, reminding me that he and Payton had once hooked up at a wedding and that this was where it had led them, but I wasn’t worried. 

I loved my brother and my brand new sister-in-law, but Karson had always chased the dream of the wife, the kids, and the picket fence. Payton might not have felt the same way, and she would smack me for even thinking this, but the girl had never stood a chance. 

As soon as he’d set his sights on his best friend’s little sister, that had been it. My brother was nothing if not persuasive, tenacious, and determined. He’d given her time, taken it slowly, and even let her push him around a little bit while they’d been working on a project together, and in doing so, he’d won her over. 

Their story might’ve started with them hooking up at her brother’s wedding, but that wasn’t how they’d ended up here. They’d ended up here solely on account of the fact that Karson wasn’t going to give up until they did. 

Which was why this story, my story, wasn’t starting tonight. I had zero intention of winning anyone over or making her mine for keeps. She would simply be mine for a little while tonight. Mine to please and mine to derive pleasure from, but that was where it would end. None of this “mine to protect and hold, love and cherish” bullshit. 

As I pushed my way toward Allison through a crowd, a small hand landed on my bicep.

“Come have a drink with me,” a feminine voice insisted happily from somewhere at my side, and although she wasn’t slurring, the voice definitely had that tipsy, carefree quality to it.

As I turned to face her, I grinned. “Sure. What’s your poison?”

Full lips painted cherry red parted. Then a dainty pink tongue darted out to swipe across them before she shrugged. “Uh, it doesn’t really matter anymore. I started with wine, but I’m tired of that now. Let’s go see what they’ve got.”

Her grip on my arm tightened. Then she was dragging me through the crowd toward the bar. I’d zeroed in on her lips at first because that color she’d painted them had demanded it, but as she pulled me along to her intended target, I took a good look at the rest of her. 

Flaming mahogany red hair, loose and cascading in ringlet curls just past her shoulders, bounced as she moved, the ends brushing against creamy skin between the shoulders. She was wearing a shimmering wine-red , bridesmaid dress that hugged her full, luscious curves, and when she glanced up at me to make sure I was still following her, I found myself looking into slightly hazy but still sparkling glacier blue eyes. 

Between her lips, hair, and dress, the woman reminded me of a fire hydrant, but a sexy one. I grunted at the thought. A sexy fire hydrant? Maybe I shouldn’t have another drink after all. 

But fuck it. My brother only got married once and we were celebrating. With one last look over my shoulder at Allison, I let go of the idea of making her mine for tonight and kept following the walking red flag beside me instead. 

Perhaps the universe was trying to warn me about something. I’d never seen a more literal representation of a red flag, but the alcohol and the joy infusing the air numbed any tingling that might’ve warned me there was trouble ahead. 

I grinned at her again when we finally reached the bar and she turned to face me, her eyes alight with mischief when they met mine. “Have you decided what you’re going to have yet?”

“Ouzo,” I said as I spotted a bottle of the Greek liqueur standing on one of the glass shelves behind the counter. “I’ve never had it before, but I’ve heard good things. Our beloved bride and groom allegedly guzzled this stuff one night in Mykonos and it worked out pretty well for them.”

She laughed, her head tilting slowly to one side as she gave me an assessing look. “I grabbed the closest person to come take a shot with me, but it looks like I grabbed the right guy by happy accident. Ouzo it is.”

My gaze dropped down to take her in now that she was in front of me. One of my brows arched when I realized she was barefoot. Her feet were tiny, her toes adorned with thin little rings and her nails painted yet another shade of red. 

“Did you lose your shoes?” I asked. 

She laughed again, leaning across the counter to shout our order to the bartender before turning back to me. “I’ve been told I’m that crazy girl at the wedding. You know, the one whose shoes are always off by eight thirty?”

If I wasn’t mistaken, that girl’s panties often came off by nine, but that definitely worked for me. “Hey, as long as you’re comfortable. I wouldn’t be able to keep those portable torture chambers women refer to as shoes on my feet for too long either.”

The bartender lined up our short, stubby glasses and filled them up, and she moved her amused eyes away from mine to glance at the liquid, waiting on us to toss it down. As she picked up her glass and looked back at me, she shrugged.

“My shoes are actually pretty comfortable. I don’t buy anything that’s going to torture me. I refuse to pay good money for pain. There are people who will give me that for free if I ask.”

My eyes widened, but then I let out a burst of laughter. “Wow. Okay. You’re not wrong. Just for the record, you’re barking up the wrong tree if that’s what you’re after. I’m not really in the business of providing pain.”

A coy smile spread on her lips. “I’m not barking up any tree. All I wanted was a shot, mister. Although you’re the one who chose the ouzo and I’m pretty sure it’s going to have me in a world of pain tomorrow morning, but I can take it. If we worry too much about tomorrow, we’ll only be letting today pass us by.”

“You’re pretty sharp and pretty wise for a drunk person.” I picked up my glass and clinked it against hers. “Here’s to not letting today pass us by.”

Shiny blue eyes locked on mine, she brought her shot to those full lips and drank it down without wincing, but then she shuddered and laughed as she smacked the glass back down on the counter. “Holy shit. That stuff isn’t playing around. You want another one?”

I was so surprised that I snorted as I tried not to laugh. “Why not? We’re going to be in a world of pain tomorrow already, and since we’re not worrying about it, I suppose we might as well do it properly.”

“Go big or go home,” she agreed, signaling for the bartender to bring us another round. 

I stared at her for a beat, marveling over the fact that she’d literally grabbed me away from the girl I’d been planning on spending the night with and now, I couldn’t even remember that girl’s name. This woman was hot, curvy, fast with a comeback, and a definite good time. She was something else, alright, and I was here for it. 

 After we took our next shot, I held my hand out toward her. “Do you want to dance?”

“Does anyone ever say no to that question?” she shot back without even having to think about it, taking my offered hand and following me to the dance floor. 

It was loud everywhere, but since the speakers were all facing this way, it was even louder here. I didn’t try to talk, simply raising her arm and spinning her into me as I led her onto the floor. Her warm, soft body pressed up against mine, her head tilting back as she wound her arms around my neck. 

Those blue eyes were still filled with amusement as she stared up at me, but there was definitely heat creeping into them now too. As we danced, I held her to me, my leg between hers and our bodies as close as they could get with clothes on. 

She moved like a dream come true, loose and uninhibited as she gave me her full attention song after song after song. It was fun, but the longer I held her and kept looking at her, the longer my hands were on those delicious curves, and the longer she moved her body against mine, the more sexually charged the air between us became. 

It’d been late by the time I’d spoken to my brother before she’d grabbed me, and I was pretty sure that I only had a little bit of time left if I was going to hook up at his wedding. Plus, I was horny as hell after dancing with her for so long, and by the glazed look in her eyes, I was confident she felt the same. 

Bending my head, I murmured into her ear. “I want to get out of here. Come with me?”

She pulled away to look at my face, then caught her lower lip between her teeth as she nodded and slid her hand into mine. Without hesitating, I took her outside to the limousine, planning on telling the driver to take us around the old town, but when we got there, he was nowhere in sight. 

The valet spoke up from behind us. “He went to get something to eat. I can call him if you’re ready to leave?”

I shook my head, sending the man a grateful smile for sharing the information. “No, that’s fine. We’re good here.”

After squeezing her hand, I released it and opened the door, motioning her in ahead of me. “Your chariot awaits, m’lady.”

She shivered in the cold night air, smiling up at me before she practically dove into the heated backseat. I chuckled, shaking my head before I climbed in after her and closed the door behind me. The night had taken an interesting turn when she’d grabbed me for that shot. That was for sure. 

I wasn’t complaining about it, though. Especially not when I turned to find her sitting only inches away from me. She hadn’t moved all the way to the other side of the seat after she’d gotten in, and I was barely seated before she slid closer to me, her head tilting as she smiled and looked right into my eyes. 

“A limousine?” she asked. “That’s creative. What’s wrong with the janitor’s closet?”

I took her hands and pulled her into me until her tits were pushing up against my chest again. “If I know my brother, he’s going to be pulling his bride away to somewhere inside soon, and call me crazy, but since they’re the bride and groom, I thought we could leave the janitor’s closet to them. I’m not particularly into four-ways.”

She giggled, letting go of my hands to place hers at the nape of my neck. “How very considerate of you, but I’m sure they’ll go someplace better than a janitor’s closet to consummate their marriage. This is nice, though. I guess the only question is now that you’ve gotten me out of there, what are you planning on doing with me?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas.” I grinned as I took her face in my palm, moving forward until my mouth met hers and I kissed her hard. 

As I did, I wrapped my free hand around her knee and tugged at it, lifting my weight off the seat for a moment so I could lay her down before covering her body with my own. She let out a peal of laughter, speaking against my lips without breaking the kiss. 

“That was a smooth move,” she murmured. “Got any more of them?”

I chuckled. “Why, yes. I do. I’m so glad you asked. Hang onto the seat and let me hear you, baby. We’re not leaving here until I’ve shown you every last one of those ideas I’ve had.”

And that was exactly what I proceeded to do. 

  • MaryAnna says:

    I want to read this one and the next one also

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